Now I have it right.
With a nice bit of distance between me and the story, I finally went back to “Kingspeaker” and got it right. It is the story I thought it was; I just needed to put an omen here, chop out that bit of awkwardness there, and play around a bit with the horses.
I think it works now.
If the folks at Sword & Sorceress decide they don’t like “The Waking of Angantyr” (which is in their hands right now), then I’ll send them this. Otherwise, it will be off to F&SF in the nearish future. Either way, I’m happy.
Mind you, this doesn’t finish “Once a Goddess,” which is supposed to be done this month. I really ought to have made notes of the ideas that were in my head when I set it down a while ago, but I was distracted by other things. My bad, and now I’m paying for it. But I’ll get some dinner, and then see what I can do.