Why I’ll never live in New York City

Someone neighborly (below? next door?) to the place I’m staying in NYC are having a giant screaming fight loud enough for me to make out every bloody word of it. The guy hates his fucking job, and he hates his fucking life, and there’s nothing he can fucking do about it because he’s lucky to have a job, and the girl fucking hates the fact that none of her fucking friends have ever met him because he never wants to hang out with people, and they pay ridiculous fucking rent but when the fuck are they going to be able to move, etc, etc, I’m actually under-representing how often the word “fuck” is employed, and if I close the window to try and mute their voices I will swelter to death in my sleep.

I like living in places with sufficient air conditioning and/or thickness of wall and/or distance between residences and/or manners among residents that I don’t end up listening to this kind of thing.

Now apparently she doesn’t understand how he hates his fucking life because she has a fucking perfect life, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, etc.

It all makes me feel extremely awkward.

0 Responses to “Why I’ll never live in New York City”

  1. mastergode

    Oh, man. See, I love hearing fights like that. They seriously crack me up.

    Maybe it’s a little bit of schadenfreude, I dunno. But I still get a kick out of it.

    When I do NOT enjoy it is when they’re fighting in range of sight, and I have to sit there and act like I’m not listening. That’s no fun.

    • Marie Brennan

      I’m just not wired for that kind of thing. I did not grow up in a shouty family, so hearing it makes me very uncomfortable.

  2. d_aulnoy

    What you have to do now is, seriously, and I mean this, scream “Shut the FUCK up!” as loudly as you can. If they are good NYers, they will scream back at you, catch one another’s eyes, and start to giggle hysterically, thus putting an end to the fight and restoring goodwill throughout all the land.

    Seriously, you’ll be doing them a favor.

    Um, not that I’ve ever been there. Or anything.

    • Marie Brennan

      I thought about it, actually. But I was in someone else’s apartment, which made me reluctant to scream profanity out their window.

  3. gollumgollum

    Or at least shout “no, fuck YOU!” out the window at them.

  4. c0untmystars

    Screaming “FUCK YOU, SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP” might at least startle them into silence for a minute…

  5. nojojojo

    Hey, you’re in NYC? For how long? Where? I’m in Brooklyn.

    If it’s any consolation, I heard worse growing up in a small town (with lots of AC and distance between houses and whatnot) — in addition to the screaming fight, there was often domestic violence. =( Here, at least, the cops will come relatively quickly if that happens and you call 911; where I grew up, DV was treated as inconsequential unless there was a gun involved. So I prefer New York fights.

  6. novalis

    We keep a water gun by the window for the purpose of quieting patrons of the beergarden downstairs. We just deployed it for the first time last night, and it was miraculously effective.

  7. unforth

    Wow. That sucks. 🙁 Don’t blame NYC, though – it’s really just apartment living – my worst apartment experiences in terms of neighbors were all in Bloomington!

  8. kendokamel


    I had some neighbors like that, one summer, except they would conduct their 3am screaming matches with one on the sidewalk and one in the upstairs bedroom window.

  9. j_cheney

    I used to spend two months out of the years there….it’s a rabbit warren. I don’t wanna live there either!

  10. mrissa

    We heard plenty of that type of screaming match in our apartment in Hayward, CA. I’m glad your CA place is quieter.

  11. amysisson

    It would make me feel extremely like calling the police, since what they’re doing is actually illegal. They have the right to quiet enjoyment, as long as they’re not impinging on the quiet enjoyment of others, blah blah blah.

    ‘Course, NYC police may have other stuff to worry about. I’d still call, though.

  12. akashiver

    I fucking hate noisy neighbours.

  13. lowellboyslash

    Gah, I’m so sorry! At least it wasn’t the pigeons–now you’re gone, they’ve come back with a vengeance.

    • Marie Brennan

      There was a pigeon on the windowsill my last morning there, and several within earshot. But I’ll take pigeons over screaming matches.

      (No need to apologize, btw. You put me up; I’m grateful.)

Comments are closed.