a slightly belated announcement

Hark, all ye commitment-shy types, to my tale, and learn ye from my example, that ye not cause yourselves the problems I did.

Kyle and I started dating in February of 1999. (On the 12th, perhaps, or the 16th. “Averaging” these two dates to make our anniversary Valentine’s Day is not correct, no matter what he says — especially when he deliberately avoided asking me out on Valentine’s Day at the time.) Within about three years or so, he made it clear that he was happy with me and more or less ready to propose. I, on the other hand, being twitchy and commitment-shy, made it clear that I was not ready to be proposed to. Thus began a half-unspoken agreement wherein he would not propose until I was ready for it.

This went on for about four years.

I realized some months ago that I’d put myself in a bind. Assuming I was ready — which I wasn’t sure of — then telling him so would be tantamount to telling him to propose. Telling him to propose would (assuming I wasn’t a truly sadistic bitch) be tantamount to telling him my answer. So the minute I said I was ready, whether I passed it through intermediaries or not (as was suggested to me), I would feel like I had a target painted on my forehead, waiting for him to ask.

This was awkward.

So then I got it into my head that I could circumvent the problem by proposing to him myself, thereby avoiding the “sitting duck” stage of the process.

Which I did. On Thursday. (The 16th.)

Let the record show that he spent about three minutes laughing hysterically before he got around to answering me. (He accepted.) He then asked me if I had a ring for him, so I took off the one I was wearing (which he gave to me several years ago) and put it on his pinkie finger (the only one it would fit on). He has also pointed out to me repeatedly that he hasn’t proposed to me, so I haven’t technically agreed to marry him. There might be a proposal in my future yet. But any way you slice it, we are now engaged.

It amuses me that it’s apparently family tradition on both sides: my mother proposed to my father, and so did Kyle’s mother to his father. Of couse, he’s just vexed that I ruined all of his plans, since he’d pretty much decided to propose to me in the next six months whether I wanted him to or not.

The delay in posting this came about because, halfway through telling people, Kyle decided that he wanted to wait to tell people here in town until Saturday night, when there would be a party at which we could announce the news. I agreed that this would be preferable to letting all our local friends find out via LJ, hence the delay. But now it’s as public as it gets: I am engaged, after seven years of dating.

And no, we haven’t set a date yet. If people keep asking me that, I may just have to deck somebody.

0 Responses to “a slightly belated announcement”

  1. kniedzw

    I brought you cookies, dear. That’s about an inch shy of having proposed to you in the first place, so Valentine’s Day it is. Nyah!

  2. kmousie

    Best wishes, Bryn! πŸ™‚

  3. unforth

    Yeah, the being asked when thing is irritating. That’s why we decided on an approximate time within like 2 days – we might have wanted to consider it, plan, all that jazz, but no, everyone wants to know, when when when, so we just picked a time blindly, and will hope for the best. πŸ™‚ (ahh, blind faith)

    And congratulations. I’ve said that a bunch of times, but it’s worth saying again. πŸ˜‰

    • Marie Brennan

      I haven’t gotten tired of it yet. ^_^

    • fallenrose

      Hehe. MJ & I waited a little while to tell anyone, but I said, “I like October. It’s pretty. How about October?” And so we picked the first Saturday in October. Which happened to be the weekend exactly 55 years after my grandmother, whose dress I was wearing, had her wedding. πŸ™‚

  4. lillornyn

    Have you guys set a date?

    *ducks and runs*

  5. dr_whom

    Hearty congratulations!

    (…t’sabout time, you guys…)

    • Marie Brennan

      Come, now. Seven years is so folklorically appropriate, how could I not wait for it? πŸ˜‰

      (Of course, at the moment, the only seven-year folklore reference that’s coming to mind is the Faerie Queen’s tithe to Hell . . . .)

  6. dbfclark

    Congratulations indeed, and all ’round!

    …Just for the record and because I still have your vericon badge, is Marie Brennan equally engaged, or just you?

    • kniedzw

      Don’t get any fancy ideas, Mr. Clark. I know your tricksy ways!

      • dbfclark

        I’m just trying to determine whether, in my guise as the public, marketworthy face of Bryn, I too must be engaged to you — a disappointing prospect to be sure, but one I’d happily shoulder in the face of the romantic comedy which must then inevitably ensue πŸ˜‰

        • kniedzw

          I’m seeing fancy ideas! I don’t much like this!

          So who do you want to play you in the movie adaptation of the romantic comedy, eh? I’m thinking Gilbert Gottfried.

          • dbfclark

            Well, I was thinking exactly the same thing for you — obviously, you need to be the whacky-but-stable one (’cause you’re getting married as a matter of course) and I need to be the dashing-but-awkward leading man drawn into a web of craziness…

            Of course, by this point maybe it’d be better if I were played by Rob Schneider.

    • Marie Brennan

      I totally forgot about that badge. I’d like it back, actually — I’d let you keep it, but I have all my other VeriCon badges and don’t want to be missing one.

  7. selenya

    Congrats!!

    And welcome to the madness that is wedding planning. πŸ˜‰

  8. deadmanwade

    congratulations and what day you gonna be married(yeah I know, i enjoy tempting fate :), or in this case a potentially angry engaged woman πŸ™‚

  9. danielmc

    congrats again.
    (hearing it probably wont wear off anytime soon…)

  10. deedop

    Congrats!!! (And what an adorable story.)

    (I’d say enjoy the wedding planning, but it’s been a year and a half for me and I’m still in recovery.)

  11. kitsune_den

    date schmate. Nobody asks the important questions…

    What are you going to wear?

    ;>

  12. dolphin__girl

    Congratulations!!!!

    And my Mom did that too… sort of. She and her roommate at the time told their respective significant others to marry them or get out. Almost thirty years later, Mum and Dad are still happily married. :o)

    • Marie Brennan

      I don’t know about Kyle’s mother, but my mother was in my situation: she’d told my father not to propose yet, then decided to resolve the situation by proposing to him. So he should in no way be blamed for the length of our dating period. ^_^

  13. clodfobble

    Well, cool. Congratulations!

  14. gollumgollum

    So…February 12th, 2007?

  15. Marie Brennan

    *^_^* ‘Twas a shame you were busy this weekend — I should have called you, rather than letting you find out via LJ.

  16. locke61dv

    So, have you guys seated eight?

    I’m very, very happy for you both.

  17. ninja_turbo

    HURRAY!

    Much Awesome on the two of you. I’m very happy for you. πŸ˜€

  18. coyotewatches

    Well done!

    This…
    Telling him to propose would (assuming I wasn’t a truly sadistic bitch) be tantamount to telling him my answer. So the minute I said I was ready, whether I passed it through intermediaries or not (as was suggested to me), I would feel like I had a target painted on my forehead, waiting for him to ask.

    This was awkward.

    …was my favorite part.

    And, oh yeah, congratulations!

  19. grliepixie

    Hee! Congratulations!!!

  20. lowellboyslash

    Many, many, many congratulations to you both. It couldn’t happen to better people.

    I’ll sift for some seven-years-before-marriage stories.

  21. wadam

    Congratulations again!

    And being laughed at for three minutes really isn’t so bad. When I proposed to Sarah, she thought I was kidding and got kind of pissed, and we argued for about a half hour before I could convince her that I was serious and she agreed.

    Of course, perhaps part of that was that I was wearing my ghost-walk costume when I proposed, and we were sitting in the Waffle House…

    • Marie Brennan

      <lol> I tried to think of something more creative than a nice dinner and all, but couldn’t. Which is probably just as well.

  22. ksumnersmith

    CONGRATULATIONS, Bryn!!!

  23. yaleartificer

    Congratulations!

    I think people ask about the date mostly because it’s the obvious next question. But take your time, because being “affianced” is a rather nice mixture of expectation and security. Or at least, I’m enjoying it.

  24. akashiver

    I know I’ve already said this, but CONGRATULATIONS!

    And it makes a wonderful story. πŸ™‚

  25. dr_whom

    Now the real question is, what’s the best non-con nomination for you guys?

  26. d_c_m

    YAY!! And one day, let us compare engagement notes…. πŸ˜‰

  27. mangojuice75

    Congrats to both of you. πŸ™‚

  28. armbarred

    As I said on Sunday, Congratulations!

Comments are closed.